Using the Enneagram to Grow Your Marriage - a podcast by Denee King

"If forced to choose which do you prefer?" is how it all started.

Coconut cream pie or chocolate pie?

Skittles or Hershey’s with almonds?

Chocolate donuts or apple fritters?

Funny how a simple conversation can reveal so much about your spouse. It was hilarious because even with these simple questions I became incensed at one of my husband's answers and asked "HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE SKITTLES over anything?" They’re a waste of sugar! It was HIS choice and HIS preference, and I challenged it based on what I like.

These are interesting things to know about your spouse - not what I’d call ‘relationship breakers’ but it could LEAD to it if we didn’t take the time to actually find out what the other likes. 

But what about conversations that address what’s going on internally? Even after 22 years together we have discovered so much about each other that we would NOT have known to ask if it weren’t for the Enneagram because the Enneagram brought into our conversations an awareness of our FEARS AND MOTIVATIONS behind our choices. 

What can become a relationship breaker is when we become incensed at someone else's feelings insisting they 'shouldn't' feel that way, becoming dismissive of them. 

What if we actually became intentional about asking questions that open up a conversation that goes a little deeper? We often assume we know our spouses inside and out and then are shocked when confronted with a reaction or feeling we've never seen before. It’s not about a right or wrong answer (I mean, unless it’s SKITTLES). It’s about connecting on a deeper level and understanding what we value and why…what we fear and why…what motivates us and why. 

The Couple's Enneagram Questionnaire

Further episodes of The Unfolding Enneagram

Further podcasts by Denee King

Website of Denee King