025 Getting away toxic and deceptive relationships. How I came to protect my peace and guard my energy. - a podcast by Italia Celeste: The Life I See

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Protecting your peace is so important to having and even creating your own joy. Happiness is ultimately your own responsibility! Tune in for my tips to protect

As I've grown my own family (husband and kids), i gave more of myself to them (naturally) instead of others. When people love what you can do for them instead of actually loving you, it eventually comes to light. The biggest asset you have in life is time, don’t waste too much time trying to figure this out. I know i saw the signs way before, i was too busy trying to conform and to adapt … thinking that fake love could one day turn real. I did that since I was a child. Closed my mouth and conformed, I always wanted peace. Yes I wanted love and acceptance but most of all, as a child, i just wanted peace. 

Throughout my developmental years that was what i did to uncomfortable situations , i adapted and conformed. And most of my own decisions were based on what i thought others wanted me to do or what would be the least trouble for everyone. 

In college wanted to be free, so I isolated myself. From everyone. Friends old and new, and family. I wanted to start over, so i did with people i could trust. I only kept in minimal contact, with people prior to this season in life. I truly thrived. 

After, college and back into the real world i saw how  Separation really opens your eyes to things when you come back to the same old situation. I don’t know if i got that good at adapting and conforming that i was THAT believable when i pretended to believe people or if the people just stopped trying as much to be convincing.  I’m talking people’s Tiny white lies transformed into completely made up stories, slick comments became loud remarks and public humiliation. I was exhausted from playing this game. An endless chess match I’m just tired of playing. I definitely don't want that kind of love. Conditional love. exhausting love. Energy depleting love. 

I was crazy to continue to suppress my happiness just because i thought it would take away from the happiness of others. Really the people who truly love me are happy WHEN i’m happy, it’s the ones who are miserable with their own lives who are competitive and comparative. I wasn’t in the competition but would go out of my way to show the other person that they won. But they won b/c they were the only ones competing! So I decided to start protecting my peace another way. Cut off the infection! If i want to continue eating on the giraffe level, i can’t even concern myself with what the ant is eating. 

I cant keep bringing my head down in submission to the ant ...i don’t truly truly don’t have the time or the patience for it. Split energy is sooo uncomfortable. Hearing words but seeing totally different actions was confusing. Accepting these realizations as an adult is extremely painful. Especially because you realize all of that invested time and energy didn’t result in anything remotely close to what i wanted.I truly believe God had to push me to the point of such uncomfort, for me  to make such a big change in my life and with my relationships. I have clarity and it may not be pretty but clarity gives me the peace to move on and know how to do so because there is happiness in so many things in life. So many things. I had to find the flow so that i can allow all the things to work for me. Stop swimming up stream! I felt like i was doing that so long just because i felt obligated. Taking so much and covering it up with a smile. My pattern of perfectionism. Trying to be perfect to prove my worthiness. i know that all this means that i’m going to the next level. and i can’t take the same baggage with me, it’s too heavy, way too heavy and i have to go too high and too fast to have that weighing me down.... Continue listening for my tips to protect you own peace!

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